When the Market Sneezes and My Portfolio Gets Pneumonia
If you looked at your brokerage app this week and screamed internally (or externally), you’re not alone. I’m a long-time Aussie dividend investor—in my late 40s, been in the game a decade—and this week, my portfolio took a nosedive faster than you can say “tariff war.”
We’re talking a 2.98% drop overall, but let me tell you, it felt like more when I saw MPL.ASX falling 6.8% and VGS.ASX dropping 4.86%. Why? Because geopolitics decided to cosplay as a wrecking ball.
What the Heck Happened?
So, here’s the short version: Donald Trump slapped China with a 104% tariff, and the markets collectively lost their minds. The ASX shed $40.5 billion faster than I shed my calm demeanor. Almost every sector got hit—mining, energy, financials, you name it.
This is not your average “oops, inflation again” kind of market wobble. This is a full-blown economic arm-wrestle between two global giants, and Australia is sitting awkwardly in the middle, clutching a BHP dividend check and hoping not to get squashed.
Passive ETFs: Took the Day Off (to Lose Value)
My ETFs, normally the reliable workhorses of my portfolio, behaved like interns during a fire drill.
• VGS.ASX: -4.86%
• VAS.ASX: -3.95%
• A200.ASX: -4.00%
• VLC.ASX: -4.73%
• VSO.ASX: -3.88%
Basically, if it had “V” in the ticker and claimed to be diversified, it still got wrecked.
Direct Shares: Mixed Bag of Sadness
Some shares held up like champs (APE.ASX +1.4%, NCK.ASX +1.17%). Everyone else? Fell over like a deck chair in a cyclone.
• MPL.ASX: -6.80%
• WBC.ASX: -6.39%
• SHL.ASX: -7.18%
• VEA.ASX: -7.59%
• WDS.ASX: -6.49%
If you’re wondering what I did during this bloodbath—nothing. Because reacting emotionally to a market downturn is like trying to fix a leaky boat with a hairdryer.
Income Stocks: Less Income, More Tears
My income-focused holdings dipped too. Some tried to hang in there—WHF.ASX even squeaked out a 0.58% gain (tiny wins, I’ll take them).
• BKI.ASX: -3.38%
• VHY.ASX: -4.50%
• SOL.ASX: up 1.66% (bless you)
Overall, income segment dropped 1.9%, which sounds polite until you remember that’s just over two days.
Alternatives: Slightly Less Ugly
Alternatives were slightly less brutal. MOT.ASX dropped 3.4%, GCI took a 2.5% haircut, and the rest sort of sat quietly and hoped no one noticed.
Honestly, they acted like guests at a family dinner during a political argument—just trying not to make eye contact or be part of the drama.
Why Tariffs Matter (a 7th Grader’s Guide)
Okay, imagine you and your mate like trading Pokémon cards. Now, your mate suddenly says, “If you want one of my shiny Charizards, it’ll cost you three lunchboxes.” You retaliate: “Fine, then your Snorlax costs five juice boxes now.”
That’s basically what Trump and China are doing—just with iron ore, oil, pharmaceuticals, and a trillion-dollar economy. And every time they do it, investors panic because uncertainty is the one thing markets hate more than reality TV.
What the Experts Are Yelling About
Ray Dalio says there’s a “once-in-a-lifetime breakdown” in the global order. Meanwhile, bond yields are all over the place, iron ore hit a 7-month low, and the Aussie dollar fell below 60 cents. Fun times.
And let’s not forget: Wall Street is also teetering on a bear market. So if you thought this week’s slump was just a local issue, sorry mate—it’s global.
So, What Did I Do?
Honestly? Not much. Here’s my very professional response plan:
• Took a deep breath.
• Re-read my investment strategy.
• Checked my dividend schedule (still on track).
• Made a coffee.
• Laughed nervously at my portfolio like it was an episode of Black Mirror.
This isn’t my first downturn. It won’t be my last. I’m a dividend investor, not a fortune teller. These events are painful but temporary. The goal isn’t to predict storms—it’s to build a boat that can ride them out.
Final Thoughts (and Warnings)
If you’re feeling the sting right now, don’t panic-sell. Don’t start Googling “how to invest in bunkers.” Markets correct. Portfolios recover. Trump… well, Trump will probably keep talking.
This week was tough, but this is the cost of being in the game. If you want smooth sailing, buy term deposits and embrace boredom.
If you want growth, income, and the chance to retire before your knees give out—this is part of the journey.
If this post gave you a chuckle—or at least made you feel like you’re not the only one watching your ETFs nosedive—share it with a fellow investor. Misery may not love company, but dividend nerds sure do.